Horrible Husbands

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Surviving Horrible Husbands

I'm a desperate homemaker and wife of nearly 8 years. I start this blog for two simple reasons:
Therapy - my husband is driving me to the verge but I cannot leave him because the prospect upsets my son too much
Record - If ever he decides to divorce me (and I am not going to challenge it if it is provided t me on a platter) I'd better have some records to present my side of the story against his lies
Confidentiality - It's ironic isn't it, but I can due to the wonderful anonymity provided by this www, scream my woes to the whole world woes that I cannot pour out on my closest friends and family members. I cannot speak to them, not because they will not be supportive (on the contrary, I am grateful to God that I have been blessed with wonderful, wonderful people around me - my husband apart) but so long as I live with him, I want to try and make the marriage work, and it will not help if those who love me are turned against him. So I turn to you, faceless and nameless, and tell my story ... read it if you will and think of me as you will.

I am no uneducated waif. Neither is my husband. Believe me abusive marriages are NOT limited to unemployed alcohol drinking debt ridden men. My husband is an icon of our community, a professional and an active citizen. He is a member of several committees (religious, governmental and philantrophical) and everyone expresses amazement at how he manages everything with the little time he has.

He has one well-kept secret - his wife. Every letter he writes, I check. I stay up late at night while he sleeps, checking his official papers are well-expressed and impressive. I even used to rewrite his project papers and do his Powerpoint and Flash presentations when he was on a course for career promotion, in addition to my own freelance work and the duties I have as a mother and homemaker.

Yes, silly me ... I kept thinking that it was my duty to help a man who serves so many others. And, of course, I nurtured dreams that he would one day acknowledge that I was his backbone, the secret behind his success. I fool myself ... he will never do that because he does not even value the work I do for him. Not really value it, that is. And he is a hypocrite who serves others only because of his own ambitions - he